My Friend's Mother is Dying



I sit here and weep with you.  I weep for your pain and sorrow and grief, I weep for your darling Mum and Dad and the loss of everything that was ‘normal’ in life and their heroic attempts at pretending that everything is going ‘swimmingly, I weep for your husband who is watching his wife’s world fall apart, including his own – for you are his life! - and feeling that he cannot make a difference, knowing you are challenging your own health, and knowing he cannot stop you.


And I weep for my parents and myself, remembering our own journey, so very similar to yours.


There isn’t any way through it, other than through it.  


And as hard as it is, sometimes you have to take a step back, and take a break.  The truth is, no matter how much you love them, and want to protect them - you cannot change anything, and as you said, it is their journey.  The hardest thing for a grown up child to do is watch a parent do things we know are not going to support them, and we cannot insist, for they too, are grown ups, the very ones who taught us how to make decisions.    I feel it is the same as a parent watching one’s child when they try to self destruct at times in life.  But I think it’s harder to watch our parents, for as know with ‘the elder folks’, that things are really only going to go one way, and deteriorate.  At least when we watch our kids do stuff -  we know,  or we have hopes -  that they have a long and happy life ahead, where they will thrive and learn and and grow from their mistakes.


So take it one day at a time.  


You are not Super Woman.  You are however, an amazing, loving, thoughtful, supportive daughter - who has carried your parents, quite literally at times - and left no stone unturned for their comfort and well being.   You have done, and are doing this, with the support of your loyal and loving man.   And sometimes, things just get taken out of our hands.  An ‘event’ occurs, that you cannot anticipate, and that sets off a chain of other events, like a set of dominoes collapsing at speed - that takes some decisions out of your hands.


And that too, is heart breaking.


I think of you.  And I love you.

Sandra GroomComment