Day 13 Leaving Hoi An for Hue - 19th September

Leaving Hoi An for Hue - Day 13 - 19th September 2014 - Friday

NOTE. - this needs completion

Up at 5.30 Gerald swims I wash hair write note to Thao change cards with Cameron Stuart the chef, leave by 8 am. Loooong day driving through Dalang China Beach the mountain pass scenery and stop for tea Janine faints, bus trip to Hue, lunch at The Royal Restaurant food as ate then bus trip to The Citadel and tour of the palaces and gates, melting in head, for 2 hours then bus trip to river and lantern boat ride down Perfume River which is not perfumed bar the captains stinking cigarette and the constant hawking of goods in board.

Hot bus on our return and a 30 minute trip to Pilgrimage Village, which looks dodgy but is beautiful inside. Large cool room, bath tub, the sloping pool. Another quick shower I hesitate to go out again I am hot and tired but the pull of a new city revives me, I should have stayed home. Another interminable 30 minute bus ride back to the city and a truly awful,dinner, from the fist course and first sip, it smelt bad Nd tasted the same, and Gerald and i hardly ate.

I am exhausted not only by the heat, it's 38 degrees and the humidity use be in its nineties, the sky is heavy with rain on on side, moisture drips from ceilings, my glasses and I phone fog up constantly. I am tired not just by the long hot day on little sleep, but by the relentless ceaseless ear bashing talking, I cannot say conversation, as it isn't intended to include anyone else, rather a loud continuous onslaught of broadcasting which makes my nerves jangle and my head ache. This broadcast turns seamlessly from one topic to another without a pause for breath. Two women are largely the perpetrators, Kathrine and Betty, and we have Kath at our table and Betty at the next, I am caught I between this crossfire and I want to scream. I leave the table twice to go to the toilet for a couple of minutes peace. I return and nod appropriately, raise my eyebrows in the right place, hold my tongue and long for release from this torture. Gerald on the other hand is actively engaged in a conversation with ashley seated across from me, a couple of beers, under his belt, and having a wonderful time. I hate him at this moment.

I have had this insight that Gerald and I at home are considered to be the exact opposite in nature. I am the gregarious one, inviting friends and family into my life, sharing and uktr generous. All our friends would agree that Gerald is ungenerous socially, reluctant to have friends and family in our home, and on occasion sullen and uncooperative socially. Yet here, with people he has never met, and probably will not meet again, he is socially graceful and generous. Perhaps that is the key. There is no chance of intimacy here, no chance these people will impinge on his life, no expectations and no future. For me these relationships are pointless, if there isn't a future, isn't intimacy - I am not interested, and I find the empty, meaningless conversations grating and superfluous. These relationships for Gerald, however, are safe, no risk attached, nothing invested her, just superficial 'chat' about nothing. I notice that the longer he hangs out with these men, he becomes 'one of the boys' - men of a certain age do this, and he begins to pick up traits he left behind long ago. When he hangs out with the guys in Tantra he becomes more living and a aware and sensitive. So now, he is making blokey and chauvinistic comments and bawdy jokes about women and wives, slapping me on the back as a sign of affection, calling me 'hey old girl!', making a parody of affection for the guys to guffaw at, and teaming up with the guys against the girls. Whilst I understand the need to be accepted by the males in the group, and I appreciate that it helps us fit in with the larger group, it occurs to me as an out of integrity, changing values to fit in with the norm. This is not who he is at all and I dislike it.

Finally we leave and I almost asleep on the bus back to the hotel. We are in bed at 10 pm and sleep until after 7 am waking only as the door bangs behind Gerald as he leaves for a swim, and the bathroom light, left on, shines into the room. I am decidedly tetchy.

Best Regards

Gerry Groom Executive Coach

P O Box 256 Berry, NSW, 2535 Australia Mob : 0408162408 Tel : 44487910 Email : groomgerald@gmail.com